


Fairy Boys: The Wrong Impression

by WolfAndHound_Archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, Family, Glitterverse, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-06
Updated: 2016-02-06
Packaged: 2018-05-18 13:47:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5930641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolfAndHound_Archivist/pseuds/WolfAndHound_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Part of the Fairy Boys series (5), Plotless bit of nothingness really, but it'll be important in future chapters. Remus, the brains behind the Marauder's Map, invents a new spying device. Then he and Sirius snog a bit.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fairy Boys: The Wrong Impression

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Lassenia, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Wolf and Hound](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Wolf_and_Hound), which was created to make stories posted to the Sirius_Black_and_Remus_Lupin Yahoo! mailing list easier to find. However, even though I still love the fandom, I am no longer active in it and do not have the time to maintain it. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in December 2015. I posted an announcement with Open Doors, but we may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on the [Wolf and Hound collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/wolfandhound/profile).

_This is NOT spying,_ Remus kept reassuring himself.

He kept his notebook open on the correct page with the two-and-a-half- inch heel of one boot, clutching the clock in his left hand and his wand in his right as he tried to stretch his neck into a weird enough position to be able to peer around his knee and read his words.

_It's NOT spying,_ he told himself again. _It's... watching. There's a difference._

With the tip of his tongue poking out the corner of his mouth (something he always did when he was concentrating, much to the amusement of the others), he positioned his wand against the clock, and spoke the words.

With a flash of red sparks and a (very appropriate) puff of sparkling blue glitter, another hand appeared on the clock face.

Remus grinned and kicked the book shut, then examined his modified clock. The big one in the living room downstairs had three hands, one for each member of the family, which pointed to twelve different set activities, like 'sleeping' or 'eating'. But this one was different. And vastly superior, in Remus' opinion. Instead of twelve activities and moveable pointers, this clock had fixed pointers, four of them now, and words that appeared in each quarter to tell **exactly** what each person was doing, rather than giving a vague overview. If it was all working correctly -- and it should be -- then this new equipment would prove to be just as beneficial to the gang as the map he'd invented.

Remus had to squint to read the script, and made a mental note to work on it some more to make the writing clearer. He found his pointer, in the bottom right.

"Up to no good," he read, and laughed. "It works, then."

His mother's, in the top left corner, read 'homophobically moping', and the one to the right of that read, 'masturbating in the bathroom'.

"Yeearggh!" Remus yelled in disgust. He threw the clock across the room; it skittered across some loose parchment on which he'd been making notes, and ended up under his bed somewhere. "Bloody fiery **hell** , Dad," he muttered, then retrieved the clock as he remembered why he'd made it in the first place. He covered the top right quarter with his hand, still grimacing, and read the final segment.

"Sirius Black... 'standing outside the front door'. Already?!"

Remus thundered down the stairs so quickly he almost fell, and flung the door open before Sirius even had a chance to knock. He grabbed his startled boyfriend by his shoulders and dragged him forwards so he could press kiss after feverish, hungry kiss to his lips, plunging his fingers into the visitor's long hair, delighting as always in the softness and remembering how it felt when it brushed his bare skin.

"I missed you," Remus managed to say, in a (very) brief pause between kisses.

"You saw me yesterday!"

Sirius was kissing **him** now (although Remus wasn't exactly unresponsive), and making speech very difficult. "Yes," Remus said, "but..." kiss "...I'm used to..." kiss "...sleeping in the..." kiss "...same room as you..." kiss "...and I woke up in the..." kiss "...night and you weren't there and..." kiss kiss kiss "...I missed you!"

Sirius wrapped his arms around Remus' waist and hugged him so hard that Remus had to squeak and hit him a couple of times to remind him that breathing was not only beneficial to health, but essential. Sirius loosened his grip slightly, but refused to stop kissing. Not that Remus minded much. Or at all. Mmm.

Until an angry voice behind him snapped, "Boys, is that really necessary?"

Still joined at the lips, Remus and Sirius opened and rolled their eyes in perfect unison. Remus turned round. "Morning, mum," he said.

She ignored his words. "In the open doorway, Remus!" she scolded. "The neighbours are going to get the wrong impression of you!"

Remus raised one eyebrow. "The wrong impression?" he repeated.

His mother folded her arms and frowned. "That you're... queer."

The boys exchanged a brief, exasperated glance.

"I should think that if people were to get the wrong impression of him, the one to which you so eloquently refer, it wouldn't be the wrong impression in the slightest," Sirius said smoothly. His voice held no hint of the annoyance so evident in his eyes; he stood behind Remus and slipped one arm around his waist, glaring back at Mrs Lupin as if challenging her to throw him out of her house. She didn't; she just sort of huffed, then turned round and headed back into the kitchen to sulk, slamming the door behind her.

Remus sat on the third step with his chin in his hands, and sighed. He patted the carpet next to him, and Sirius closed the door before joining him.

"You okay?" he asked.

Remus just shrugged. "Idiot woman," he muttered. He felt a bit bad saying such a thing about his mother, but... well, she **was** being a bit of an idiot.

"Yeah," Sirius murmured into Remus' golden-brown hair. He kissed it before continuing. "The wrong impression! Ugh."

Remus snuggled. "She'll never accept you, you know," he said mournfully.

"Hey. Look at me." _Any excuse,_ Remus thought happily, and looked. "If I wanted to please your mum I'd be shagging **her** , wouldn't I? And I'm not. So who gives a monkey's bollock what she thinks?"

Remus stared at him. "Sirius, that's **horrible**! Don't say that. Ugh. You and my mum? Ugh! She's... Sirius, she's a whole different **species**!"

"And **that** , my darling werewolf, is an uncharacteristically stupid argument."

Remus thought for a minute, finally settling for, "Oh, shut up!"

Sirius laughed. "Your dad, though..." he said. "I like him." He slipped his arm around Remus' shoulders and drew him closer, angling his face up and stroking some hair back with the other hand so he could breathe the next words into Remus' ear. "But not as much as I like you," he whispered. "Want you. **Love** you. More than oxygen."

Remus' heart fluttered about pleasantly in his chest. "You don't consciously love oxygen, Sirius."

Sirius frowned and poked his finger into Remus' ribs. "Always the bloody pragmatist, you are. I meant I need oxygen, and I'd die without it. Now shut up and kiss me."

How could he refuse an order like that?

The kiss was hazy and warm and deep and wet and perfect; slightly weird too, Remus thought. He couldn't quite get his mind around the fact that he was snogging his boyfriend on the stairs while his homophobic mother read the newspaper ten feet away and his dad got himself off in the bathroom. He pushed away the horrible thoughts and concentrated on the soul-shaking kiss.

"'Scuse me, lads, can I get past?"

Perhaps unsurprisingly, the boys didn't hear the request. Mr Lupin tried again.

"You might want to take it upstairs, Remus, you know your mother's funny about it."

_Fuck!_ Remus thought as the voice suddenly clicked. He put his hands on Sirius' shoulders and pulled away quickly, smiling up at his father sheepishly. "Er, right. Sorry, Dad."

Mr Lupin grinned. "Not to worry. I see I'm going to have to tread carefully from now on, eh?" he said. "You want me to start walking about the house with my hands over my eyes just in case?" His eyes were twinkling as the boys groaned and hid their faces, and he laughed; he sat a few steps further up and ruffled Remus' hair. "Come on, I'm just teasing. It happens to the best of us."

Sirius seemed to do a double-take. "What?!" he spluttered.

"Well, Remus' Grandma Ruth caught me and the missus at it quite a few times, actually."

(Remus fell off the step).

Sirius looked at David Lupin critically. He was wearing faded blue jeans -- _eeww, straight legs!_ complained the glam-lover in him -- with a tatty old brown woolly jumper. It had paint stains all over it, and more than a few holes. His attire and long, messy brown hair made him look like a thirty-nine-year-old version of the young Muggles he'd seen marching about London waving signs on sticks. Then he thought of **Mrs** Lupin... he knew she must have had sex at **least** once to produce Remus, but Sirius just could **not** imagine her in the screaming throes of wild ecstasy. Which was a very good thing, in his opinion.

"Er..." was all he could manage to say.

Mr Lupin laughed again; his smile was very similar to Remus', and Sirius suddenly had to try awfully hard not to think Very Bad Thoughts, because it's Wrong to think Very Bad Thoughts about one's boyfriend's father. Eeek.

"I remember once, we were in the kitchen at my mum's house... this is when we were... seventeen. Maybe sixteen. And she was on the table with m--"

Remus came to his senses and shouted in horror, "Dad! Go **away**! I don't want to hear it!" He stood up and grabbed his father's sleeve, dragging him down the hall and pushing him through the kitchen door. David Lupin just chuckled the whole way. He obviously found the whole situation very funny indeed.

"All right, I'm going!" he said. "Bathroom's free, if you want it."

_AAAAAARRGGHHHH!!!_

"Ugh," Remus muttered when he came back to the stairs. "Just ugh. Parents shouldn't tell their sons about their sex lives. No, parents shouldn't have sex at **all**."

"Well, I don't know," Sirius said thoughtfully. "Your dad is sort of..."

Remus kissed him to shut him up.

~*~

Two days later, Remus kept pulling his hand out of Sirius' grasp so he could smooth down his t-shirt and make sure his hair looked okay. Godric's Hollow High Street was full of witches and wizards, most of whom kept shooting appreciative glances at the boys. A few of them waved; Sirius seemed to know them, and waved back.

"Will you stop fussing?" he said to Remus after a while. "You look fine. You look gorgeous. You always do."

"Well, I'm just making sure," Remus muttered. He licked his finger and scrubbed furiously at a spot of ink on his forearm.

"It's just my parents!"

"And I want to make a good impression. Especially as they don't know you're in love with another boy."

Sirius grabbed his hand and linked their fingers, holding on firmly to keep Remus from panicking any more about his appearance. "So? They'll understand. They're like your dad. Love is love."

"If you say so," Remus muttered.

The garden gate was open; Remus shut it behind him and ran his hands over his t-shirt one last time. Sirius gave him The Look.

"Can I do that?"

"What?"

"Stroke your nipples?"

Remus punched his arm. "Stop it! Will you behave?"

Sirius just laughed, and opened the front door.

Remus had been there before, of course, and he found the jumble of bright colours and junk comforting, almost. The house looked lived-in and welcoming, unlike the front hall of his own house, which was stark and tidy.

"Mum!" Sirius yelled. He tugged on Remus' hand, pulling him towards the kitchen. "Mum, are you here? Dad?"

"In here," came a voice from behind another door. The boys went into the living room, where Sirius' parents were doing a jigsaw puzzle of a Quidditch match. Every time they completed a person, it cheered and began moving about (the individual pieces were motionless, like Muggle jigsaws).

"Morning, love," his mother said. She looked up and smiled. "Oh! Hello, Remus."

"Come and sit down," Mr Black said, scanning the sea of scattered pieces. "You can help us."

Remus squeezed Sirius' hand gently, trying to silently convey _Get it over with_ through his eyes. Sirius nodded.

"Mum, Dad, I need to tell you something," he said.

"What's that, son?" Mr Black asked. He popped another piece in place. "Just need his hand now, and we can free him."

"I'm truly, madly, deeply in love with Remus, who is male, which makes me gay. I'm a make-up-wearing, broom-riding, man-shagging Fairy Boy."

"Okay, all right, there's no need to go on!" Mrs Black said. She looked up and beamed at them both. "There aren't many people I'd say are good enough for my boy, Remus, but you're top of the list. Now come and sit down. Can you see a blue sky piece with a flat top edge and a hand in the bottom right?"

Remus sat down on the floor beside Mr Black; Sirius sat in an armchair behind him and leaned forward, draping his hands over Remus' shoulders and kissing his head loudly. "Told you they'd be okay with it, you daft plank."

Remus tilted his head back and smiled until Sirius kissed his lips. "You're so going to get it later," he whispered.

Sirius grinned. "Can't wait."

~END~


End file.
